New look

Obviosuly Andy thinks he needs to shave his legs to play tennis.

Well I think he needn't and he's really turning into something I don't like.

Marry a brainless Yankee bimbo after he saw her in a magazine was onet hing but playing bad tennis and now shaving from neck to toe...that's no no!

Le chic du chic

 

He could be a footballer... 

Luke Guldan is doing a Sandrine Trop Forte

[FUNNY] Sandrine trop Forte & Richard Jouir [Goodspeed]
Uploaded by Goodspeech. - Watch more comedy videos and sitcoms.

Underpants tube

I don't know who reviewed the pictures before editing them but...Thanks! ^^

°_°

This is so bad, it's actually damaged my soul!

Nauseous and sad

Do you know what this is?

This is David and Victoria Beckham's coat of arms. Yes. "Love Friendship", and it's gushing!

I'll let Stephen Fry comment on that: "As if they though there was not enough vomit in the world!"




But even more pathetic. This above. Brooklyn Beckham, 11 yo, whose parents are already tarting up.

The shirt half out is not a mistake, it's just because King-Lord Daddy David think it's cool to look like shit. It's the very nouveau riche style. You dress like a pickey everywhere you go, even official galas and premières because you can afford it (admire the irony) but you have a coat of arms because...well because you think it makes you...some thing. I can't say what it is because I genuinely don't know why they feel the need to have a coat of arms. My family has a coat of arms and we don'f feel like it makes us...that thing! It's burried somewhere deep in one of our attics and no one gives a damn!

I can't wait. I can't wait to see Brooklyn Beckham growing into some kind of masculine Paris Hitlon: useless, brainless, talentless and utterly irrelevant whory socialite tart who believes his name and coat of arms makes him...that thing!

But hey! He's public now, he's exposing himself to out bitchy eyes and seems to be happy about that so that's great, we can now all comment on his chubbiness, his girl name (I'll call him Brookes now. Becks and Brooks, brilliant!), his obessession for Daddy and the fact that, unlike what I've heard of his brothers who actually have talents (football and break dancing), he's just completely irrelevant!

Worth it?

The Times is going behind the scenes on the set of Prince of Persia.

The only good reason to do that would be to lurk behind the shower curtains in Jake's trailer. Otherwise...

The straight man

These two pictures were taken a few days (not ten years) apart, so what do these two guys have in common?



They're both straight and I both hate and love them very much.

I hate the first one because he's everything I loathe with all my heart in a man. He's a pikey, an asbo and when you're gay, there's nothing worse than an encounter when that kind of "man". But I like him because look at him, you know he's straight so you know what to expect in a second! There's no surprise = AVOID!

And note the new thing among them now: the pant under the arse! It's not half way off it, it's completely off it!

I like the second one because he obviously robbed Malibu Barbie to get her top and that bitch deserves it! ^^ However, I hate him because he's the new straight man: the one who dresses like us, fairies; who uses cream and cosmetics like a fairy, enjoys healthy snacks, walks in the park, shopping with friends... But he's straight and often, as homophobic as his pants-arround-the-thighs friend and we gays are drawned to thar kind of man because they abide by some essential criteria for us.

My problem is, today you don't know anymore! Ten years ago, when I was a teenager, no straight bloke would've dressed like. That was easy to know who was gay and who wasn't! Yet, because of those bloody women who want their men to be fashion and beauty conscious, we, gays have more and more troubles figuring out as the straights are taking everything we do. The last one being the "Ricky Martin look": classy little stubble or beard, short hair on the side and longer on the top stylishly spiked up...

Ricky's gay but how many men look like him, dress like him and fancy women more than a lesbian? How many extremily homophobic sportsmen look like him?...

Same old...more like retarded, actually.

Here's another news from the Middle Ages:

Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor's gay comedy 'I Love You Phillip Morris' has been delayed indefinitely in the US.



The orgy of self-congratualtion after the election of Obama obviously brought nothing but...endless boring media coverage but that's it...Apparently.

American football is so gay...

So it could be worth it but they're sissies.

They play wrapped in armors: nothing to see then :-/

What's going on in her sad little mind?

I was fine when I woke up then I went and I saw my e-mails and had that from a girl I know:

“Have you got any news of Madame Flament?
Because of what happened to Moscow, I’m really worried.”

Danièle Flament is the director of the Master I’m attending at the moment and also my boss because I’m doing office work for them so we are always on the phone, but for last week because she was in Moscow for a conference. She came back on Friday night.

And there were the bombings in the tube and 38 dead and of course there’s this girl who writes me a bloody message because she worries. What the fuck?!

God above! Another one of those light-hearted, irrelevant gushing little brat who freaks out for anything and who always thinks the world revolves around them and everybody they know has to be involved in everything.

She knows someone who was in Russia so of course she’s dead! She managed to be at one of those stations at the exact moment it happened. What an amazing coincidence, isn’t it? There are 10 millions people living in Moscow which is five times the size of Paris but in her little mind she can’t see any of that and the person she knows WAS there, it was just the baddest of luck! (I know it should ‘worst’, that’s rhetorical).

No, of course she’s fine, you narrow-minded idiot! It happened in two small places in a huge capital, it was not a bloody earthquake shaking the whole region.

Let me tell you I deleted the message right away without even replying but that kind of thing, not even thinking for a second before writing a message just get so far up my nose! How can anyone be so fucking stupid? I mean seriously! …

Anyway, the day got better after that Ricky Martin being gay, my gaydar not being broken. And while we’re on the gay subject of gays I just saw the cover of a movie call “Hunks and Spunk”, sound promising! ^^

The clot of the week

Coleen Rooney, wife of footballer Wayne Rooney (who's our missing link between the apes and the humans) said she didn't want to go to the World Cup in South Africa next June because of "the intense heat" the could be too much for the baby.




Coleen, darling, South Africa is in the South hemisphere, it's BLOODY WINTER over there in JUNE, you tit wit!

Mummy!!

I'm going to sue Yahoo!...!

I mean, not only do they always come up with the most pointless news they obviously find in the Sun or the Daily Mail but they put that (below) on the front page without any warning.



So when I went to check on my e-mails, I just squealed like a girl and felt my heart stopping for a second.

I think I can get away with "induced stress" and easily $785 254 187 5236 985 1224 88 432 15484231 because now I'm so freaked out I'm going to have to look at pictures of Frank Lampard in his undies to chill out so I can't work properly so I won't finish my paper (and my hot chocolate, very important) and I'll get a bad mark and my teacher will fail me and I won't pass my exams and I won't be able to work and I'll fail my life altogether and end up begging for food and eating spiders and giving blowjobs to dustmen with peadophile tendencies for a euro in the backstreets of Paris.

They're an american firm, I can come up with anything to win money ^^

Priorities

"Actor Danny Dyer has called having his Porsche and Mercedes cars stolen 'the lowest point of my life'"

Jesus, in what kind of pathetic pointless world does that useless talentless pillock live in!? 0_O

Almost, you halfwit!

The tabs

For those who don’t know the tabloids in England here are some of the headlines for today.

Few tendencies:

-Headlines that tell you what to think before you read the article so you don’t actually have to read anything to make an opinion: “heartbreaking”, “scandalous”, “outrageous”, “monster”, “guilty”, “thugs”, “unfair”…

-To slander and show how much the state is robbing the taxpayers.

-To play with the words to make titles the likes of "Owen-ly" for "heavenly" if they talk about Michael Owen...

-Z-list celebrities interviews with judgmental words.

-Articles based on TV reality shows and cheap TV shows celebrities: X-Factor, Britain’s Got Talent, Corronation Street, Eastenders, Strictly Come Dancing…

-And stories for Fox Mulder to cut and keep in his desk for his next X-Files

News of the world : mostly unsigned articles because they are 90% lies and it’s mainly all about sex scandals.

‘Evil’: Nursery paedo’s ex-husband speaks out: Our mum, the monster.

Yorke: Pot plant helped me beat sex ban.

Yorke: Goals, girls and me. He explains how he couldn’t stop scoring.

Yorke: How I lined up girls for married players.

Beckham: Is Victoria going grey?

XXX-Factor: Singer has secret porn past

OZZY: My sex-life is going up and down.

Corrie babe Michelle Keegan reveals all: My boobs are too big and I love all-night binges.

Stickly Natalie saves lust dance for lovers: Natalie Cassidy reckons she’ll score a perfect ten for a NOOKIE

I sent my cheating lover to sex school

Kim Kadarshian on her famous derrière.



The Daily Mail. Most of the articles are signed: “Daily Mail Reporter”

Why no-one had a bad word to say about Zac Goldsmith leaving his wife for a younger woman.

Sinitta strips down to her palm leaves... as the judges welcome X Factor finalists to their homes

I'm sitting next to Rihanna!
(article based on a picture of a singer texting while sitting next to Rihanna so the news is what she could've been writting...How insightful!)

Esther Rantzen: Why my daughter's wedding made me realise... I'm so terribly lonely on my own

How I got pregnant... when I was ALREADY pregnant! (Hello, X-files!)

Will it be big enough for all the egos, Simon? Cowell hires mighty marquee for his £1m birthday bash

Sarah Ferguson: 'I need a new man. Know any good dating agencies?'

Michael Jackson had bizarre tattoos on his lips, eyes and scalp

City banker accused of strangling his cheating wife after row over where to their send daughter to school (actual order of the words!)

Nursery paedophile to get new identity - all funded by taxpayers
(for the DM, it's the taxpayers part that is outrageous)

BBC wins to keep star salaries under wraps (and it only cost us £200,000)

Mother whose boyfriend killed her toddle son walks free even though she knews youngster has been abused for weeks

'Vegetables and fruits, not too much pies!' The heartbreaking advice a dying mother left in her "mummy manual' for husband and daughters



The Sun.

Find the fourth nursery peado

Jacko’s lawyer is off the will

Cowell invites Arlene to his 50^th (birthday)

Jade: Our show has sex-factor

Ali: I’m hot to trot for Brian

Spice Girls reunite…but without Posh

Kate Moss gets leathered

Alesha gives everyone ten

Sergeant fought with shrapnel in his head (X-file number 2)

We cry everyday for Jade…no woman should suffer like that

Why our bees have buzzed off

Lose baby weight

Lawyer pockets a fortune to defend human rights of crooks and killers

The bookies have banned me

I’m gutted, perv was best man

If we want girls, we can get them

Bear is star of wildlife photos



The mirror

Lad is dad at 13, he gets Saturday job to support new family

Brit surfed the tsunami to safety

Strickly Come Dancing star kills chicken live on TV

Fiona Pilkington’s death shows us our failure in face of evil

Inside the police secret fight against paedophiles
(for the paedophiles to know about everything that’s been done to find them)

Football manager talks woman out of suicide leap out of bridge

Miliband: Tories are a bunch of schoolboys

Yobs abuse Afghanistan war hero who lost limbs for…having no legs

Gran put on E-bay for moaning…so what gets her goat?

Aaaww of the jungle: new born monkey gets a kiss from his siblings

Iran’s Israel hater “may be Jewish"

Paul O'Grady: My show can't survive now

I want that!

Where I live, it must've rained for barely eight hours since July, 15th. And when I say "rain". It was more of a little mist or three huge drops for 10 minutes and that's it.

I never thought I would say that but I'm desperate for rain! The water tank under the house collecting the waters from the roof is empty and the garden on which I have been working my arse off for the past two years in dying in front of me!

Someone, something, somebody gives me rain! Real rain! The one that soaks everything to the brim, that makes the rivers overflow, that soaks people to the bones!

Pleeeeaaaase! Raaaaaiiiiin!!

Bienvenue à Cuba.

For those who don't speak French: what happened basically is our president went to visit some hardworking people in a factory.
But everytime he went the last times, the 'hardworking workers' welcomed him with shovels, rotten fruits and criticism (how dare they?!). Then he did what he always does and called them "fuckers!" in front of the tely.

So this time, France became Cuba/China/North Korea and all the potential opposants were removed from their machines and kept away from the factory before the President arrive. And replaced by other workers from other factories (all volunteers) and very important: They must NOT be taller than the President for the speech he did after they all subimissively greeted the Almighty Dictator with smiles and praises so everyone can see how loved and appreciated the Dictator is.

I said dictator?! Sorry I mean President. After all that's also how the head of state's called in China...

"Best gift ever"...WTF?!

I am not making this up! I swear this genuinely true!

R.I.P Common Sense

I have to say it here but it’s getting on my nerves (what else is new?) and I can’t really say it outside but I don’t feel anything about Michael Jackson passing away. I never liked a single of song but Scream with Janet Jackson, I don’t like his persona, his demeanour, his work…nothing! I like his sister but not him. Never have, never will.

It’s tragic, of course. Someone who dies so young is always tragic. Especially if you consider the last 20 years of his life that were not among the happiest, one would easily agree.

What’s getting on my nerve is the world-wide hypocrisy now that he’s dead. Everyone is deeply saddened, shocked and can barely hold back their tears everytime they think about him…as they say. This is absolutely sickening!

Three days ago, he was still a horrible lying monster everyone, but his very few true fans, was laughing at when they were not calling him a megalomaniac and schizophrenic paedophile. He was publically humiliated everytime he stepped outside, made ashamed of every single of his moves and words.

Lately countless reporters went to Neverland to grant us with pompous and judgmental constitution-length articles on the appalling state of the park and how lonely and pathetic he now was. We had articles and documentaries on his drinking problems, on his marriages, his children with some fatuous, self-righteous people who never knew him commentating on the dreadful father he was supposed to be.

We had articles and interviews that described him as irritating diva who was asking for a horrendous and highly unjustified price for his last tour.

And now he’s dead and here he is: the fallen angel, the greatest of the greats, the Ninth World Wonder (the Eighth is Beckham, of course…).

Here we are comparing him to people like Maria Theresa and Lady Diana.

The comparaison with Elvis is right for he had a immense talent and brought something new and refreshing to the world of music. Even if I don’t like what he did, no one can deny it and I won’t. But I will put my foot down and rile on everyone who has the indecency and the insanity to compare him to the likes of Lady Di.

Lady Di was a woman of selflessness. She puts her life in danger walking of landmine fields, she confronted the worst going to villages of Sahel and slums of Calcutta to help the poorest and most miserable in the world. She fought until the very end for people to open their eyes and help others.

She was the Princess of the People. Michael Jackson was the King of the Pop like Madonna is its Queen.

Is Madonna Lady Di? As much I love and worship her music, no!

Michael Jackson was a musician who never gave more than his music. So spare us the hypocrite tears, you cowards. You had let him down, you had forsaken him and let him rot alone with a bottle of vodka. You had rejected him then had fed yourself on the sour milk of his misery and slanders created by those who wanted him down.

Now I even have friends who have never once mentioned him when talking about music, never bought a single album and can’t even give the name of a single song from him but who are saying they are in painful mourning.

I have never liked him yet also never judged him. In that way, I might not be sad or in mourning as “the rest of the world” according to the press, but I’m a better person.