Showing posts with label Frank Lampard. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Frank Lampard. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 09, 2011

Saturday, September 11, 2010

The ones you have to be English to understand

Or follow football but that's my geeky moment: making up fake news according to the lastests from the ballers.

"On Sunday, John Terry showed his arm-band to the fans and afterwards, in a complete unrelated incident, his penis to the baby sitter"

"It was revealed on the last England Team meeting that the doctors came up with a new test for the players. After interviewing the whole team, it turns out John Terry came first on that new Wags Penetration Index"

“In his latest interview, John Terry declared “Balancing my football career at Chelsea, travelling all the time, and being a good husband is a real struggle if I’m honest”. But he’s not, so there you go!

“The news just came that Wayne Rooney missed the last Manchester United game after he went at Rio Ferdinand’s restaurant where he ate all the pies and got stuck in the door”

“After Chelsea players took tests, it was revealed Frank Lampard has a IQ way above the average rate but, the trouble is, he doesn’t know how to use it for his brain was delivered with an instruction manual but no PA to read it through”

“After the scandals, Chelsea thought it was necessary to point out that Ashley Cole is not related in any way with Joe Cole, although he did shag his grand-ma”.


"It was revealed that today Capello agreed to allow the England players to have a night out in the nearby city during the World Cup launching the careers of dozens of local prostitutes.”

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

Pillars

I realised something: being attracted to legs is not just something straight guys do. I'm gay and I'm all about legs! I don't what it is but perfect long legs just drive me bonkers!

Let's see some examples of what's wrong and what's good.


These are legs with underdevelopped calves. This is horrendous! Especially with things like Beckham because he has thighs like every footballer: big but little calves. That's what we call "chicken legs". The top is big but the bottom isn't and the ankles are far too thin. Irk!



Michael Owen: These are perfect calves. There is continuity, homogeneity throughout the whole legs. Michael's shorter than average which could have easily made his legs for too big for his body but...he's perfect! :D



Which brings me to the whole legs themselves:

Cristiano Ronaldo: Horror!


Yes, the thighs aren't too big-ish ¬¬ That's why I like footballers or tennismen and not bikers. The bikers have really big thighs while football and tennis tend to work on the leg altogether.

But two things: the veins! That's awful. A little is alright when you barely see them but here it just looks like he's got worms stuck in all of them. And he shaves. Never shave the legs! Never. Ever. Ever! So yes! No swimmers either :-/


The two cases of perfect legs:

Frank Lampard: Strong, hairy (yes yes ^^), perfectly proportionned legs.



And he likes to show them ^^



Steven Gerrard: The case of tall legs. Same as Lampard, very masculine legs, but because they are long, everything is stretched beautifully without making them too thin.





We can see the veins but it's because there's not a single once of fat on Steven Gerrard, not because he caught some whatever tropical disease ^^'

Thursday, August 05, 2010

I just love Marina Hyde!

Gold-plated failure gives England no escape from the boo-boys


The fate of the Frank Lampard iPod proves that the country has still not forgiven the national team


Marina Hyde - The Guardian, 05.08.2010

Absorb enough tabloidese and eventually it owns your neurons. A friend recently recalled a conversation he'd once had with a former Republic of Ireland international about an awkward spell at one club. Without a shred of sarcasm, the player had reflected: "I suppose I became a target for the boo-boys." It is sadly not on record whether the chap in question described himself routinely as "wantaway", or used the styling canoodle in favour of kiss.

But our business today is with the aforementioned boo-boys, whom many expect to be out in force next week when England meet Hungary at Wembley in a friendly. Indeed, England will have to hope that the Hungary players are very friendly, as the diminished crowd is rather less likely to recreate the atmosphere of a convivial afternoon in Central Perk for the disappointed World Cup squad. Or "misfiring millionaires", if you prefer the technical term.

The FA is so worried about the possible reception that it has issued a statement apparently drafted by a marriage-guidance counsellor, declaring: "We accept it is going to take time to rebuild the trust with the fans."

And yet, does it? The thing about the England of recent years is that even when you think you have seen it all, they always find a way of disappointing you further. Only days ago, the sheer scale of the trust-building task was once again underscored by the tale of the gold-plated Frank Lampard iPods. Have you heard this one? Let me summarise: 5,000 gold-plated iPods bearing Frank Lampard's lasered signature are to be melted down after demand for the £599 product failed to materialise in the wake of the World Cup. Do take a moment to digest those details.

Writing in this space before the tournament, I recalled all those dementedly self-regarding autobiographies that followed the 2006 World Cup tournament, of which Frank's was such a standout example. Yet at no stage, not even in my most grimly cynical moments, did I suspect that the once-bitten Frank was at that very moment lending his lasered imprimatur to something that even in a crowded marketplace would manage to redefine early 21st century tosserage.

If you had to distil the very essence of hubris into a single product, you would surely be left with a gold-plated Frank Lampard iPod. The fact that the brainwave was created in association with a firm backed on Dragon's Den merely crystallises the cloth-brained, soul-sapping nullity of the age in which we are doomed to live.

Oddly, though, that isn't the slogan the manufacturers have gone for. "We may have over-ordered due to World Cup hopes," trills a company spokesman, "but that's no reflection on Frank's popularity."

I think you'll find it is, dear. But it's also a reflection on so much more than that, not least the ongoing commitment by Premier League megastars to live their commercial lives as such obvious parables of pride before a fall that a child of six could understand them.

And so it is that the gold from the remaindered Lampard iPods is to be recovered and melted down to make Hello Kitty ones (genuinely). While the literary stars of 2006 might have shrugged off their journey to the bargain bin, there are few more sledgehammer metaphors for failure than having to be literally melted down. It happens at Madame Tussauds, where waxen celebrities deemed to be passé are stripped for parts to create more vogueish stars. Terry Wogan claims to have been melted down to make Ant and Dec (A colleague doing an article about the museum once saw Richard Branson's head in a sink, though that might have just been for maintenance).

I should point out that in the event of the Lampard iPods selling like hot cakes, Frank's agent claims he was to donate royalties to charity. But that event clearly didn't come to pass. As things stand, Lampard is arguably the world's worst alchemist, his influence contriving to turn actual gold into worthless tat.

He is also emblematic of the FA's difficulties in heading off the so-called boo-boys. The "Club England" senior executives can insist all they like that the players aren't arrogant and that they do care – and I suspect they are mostly right, and that some complex psychological meltdown befalls perfectly decent footballers whenever they don the England shirt. But when even the man who is always so flatteringly assumed to be the cleverest among them is bunging his signature on gold-plated iPods, why on earth should England's dwindling band of paying customers be expected to make the distinction?

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Nine years gap

What they look like in 2000...And what they look like now.











Just for the trivia: most of them have been in a relationship with their wives since way before 2000.

So you can’t help but think either those women have been really lucky or they were very smart to have chosen some of them.

Because, to be honest, I would have never gone anywhere near Lampard or Gerrard in 2000! :-/

Big ears and little tongue

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Can they be anymore pathetic?

Chelsea was facing Newcastle last Saturday.

And once again Chelsea players managed to come up with another apocaliptically stupid and the most lamest celebration ever!

It was like watching the guys from the Big Bang Theory. A bunch of absolute hopeless nerds who do things nobody gets and think it's funny.




As you can see, Lampard's checking Malouda's hair for lice. Ha...ha...ha...

Who knew Chelsea players could reverse evolution? -_-'

Friday, April 03, 2009

Jules is discovering the marvel of Photoshop

I just got Photoshop and I'm just at the very very very!! begining.

Yet, you know me...I found how to reduce the curves and increase the muscles on my lovely ballers straight away. Well...gay away! ^^'




I desperately need Céline to explain me how to use that thing. I'm completely lost! :-/

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Where's the mud?

Here’s a quite interesting extract that got drove me up the wall this morning:

There is rivalry and then there are the teams that really don’t like each other. Lampard offers a diplomatic response, but a knowing smile.‘It is strong, I can’t deny that,’ he admits. ‘The players feel an extra edge. You’ll see it on Sunday. We’ve played them so many times in big games so lots of individual tensions build up. There is always something between me and Xabi Alonso, for instance.’

But you broke his leg. (after a tackle back in January 2005)

“Yes, I know, and it was a foul and I got booked, so I am not trying to plead innocence, but it was a tap, it wasn’t anything nasty; the sort of tackle that happens all the time, both ways. That night, when I heard how it had worked out, I felt very bad and phoned to apologise but he wouldn’t really have it and ever since he has that look in his eye when we meet, and there is always a bit of jostling and shoving."

‘There is respect between the teams, though. Steven Gerrard always says how hard it is to play against us at our place and it is the same up there. Just a sea of red shirts on the pitch at times because they work so hard and put you under so much pressure. They are a horrible lot like that, but Steve? What a fantastic player. I watched him against Everton the other week and it was a complete performance, he was the driving force.”

From there: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/...abi-Alonso.html



Some of you know i'm a huge fan of Lamps. For what...six years now. Yet i think that's very easy to blame Xabi for the look in his eyes and the feud after he didn't accept his apologies.

But at that game Lamps did what he always does when he's on the pitch: spending the entire game shouting abuses, insults and calling names every single of his opponents. Then he breaks his legs and finds strange Xabi had a hard time believing he was truly sorry.

When you know him like Steven Gerrard does it's okay but when you don't, it's not. There's quite a range between facing someone with competitiveness and insulting them constantly. Countless players complained about his rude and extremily insultive behaviour whereas i dare anyone to find me two people who complained about Xabi's.

Maybe if he started to show a little bit more of respect and stop acting like a yob on the pitch, people would have easier time believing the truthness of his apologies.

He's doing the same with Fabregas but Cesc never hesitated kicking his arse when he had an occasion...he had three actually.



I have to say, i can't wait for Xabi and Frank to fight on a very muddy pitch one day. It'll be worth all the best porn movies ^^