Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Henry VIII by Jo Brand
That is the very best, more hilarious piece of historical exposé I've ever heard! ^^
I understand we don't all speak British english so here's the transcription. Sorry, there might be some mistakes :)
Henry VIII
Henry VIII or King syphilis gut backed wife murderer VIII as I prefer to call him was born in 1491, and despite all the paintings we know and love of him looking like a great big beach whale, he was athletic as a young man. At the age of 18, his brother Arthur died and Henry married his widow, Catherine of Aragon.
Henry was always an ambitious young man and he thought it best to get the male heir business out of the way before he set off on conquering expeditions. There must have been something dodgy as far as the royal sperm was concerned because it took bloody ages!
Henry always had a bit of inferiority complex being the second son and he grew up to be an egotistical self-righteous cruel man. In fact the last sort of person who should have been King.
I often wonder when I read English history why so many of the royals were such vicious bastards and I think it’s probably because they could be. Give our Queen half the chance and she will be up the mall with a crossbow picking off Japanese tourists and nicking their cameras.
Catherine of Aragon had five children but only one of them survived and unfortunately as far as Henry was concerned that one was useless. Mentally handicapped? Physically disabled? Well in Tudor think: both. She was a girl.
They were together, Henry and Catherine that is, for over twenty years but when Catherine began to get hot flushes and started doing a bit of shop-lifting, Henry realised she was be able to have anymore children. And like a dutiful loving husband, he told Catherine not to worry and that everything would be all right.
Did he, fuck! He did his outmost to get rid of her without actually bumping her off.
Because Henry already had to get a special dispensation from the Pope to marry Catherine, it didn’t look good for another favour from the Catholic Church. In fact, as far as the Pope was concerned, he had as much as chance in getting a divorce as he did in winning a Gary Lineker look-a-like contest.
So Henry decided rather than mock about the legal channels of the Catholic Church, he might as well dump them altogether and start his own little church. So he became head of the Church of England. Nice work that he could get it!
At the point, he was having a good old flirt with Ann Boleyn who would not give in to his advances unless he agreed to marry her. He did. Got her off the duff and they married secretly. By this time, Henry was pretty poorly so it was difficult for him to do anything secretly.
Unfortunately Ann Boleyn did not have a son either. "Aw drag!" She must have thought when Elisabeth I popped out. But Henry by this stage started to go a little bit bonkers. He must’ve thought to himself: “Well I’m the head of the Church of England, I can do what I like now!”
He found some poor bloke who worked in the court, accused him of having an affair with Ann Boleyn, tortured him until he said yes and had her executed. A bit over the top! I mean he could have asked her to move out.
In fact, Henry got rid of anyone in his way. He was a sort of fat royal combined harvester. Once he was head of the Church, he nicked all their money, destroyed many monasteries and anyone who got in the way was dissembled.
After Ann Boleyn, Henry moved on to Jane Seymour who was said to be homely and sweet. She managed to squeeze a boy child out of her womb for which she must have got down on her knees and thank God for allowing her to continue wearing a nice selection of hats! Unfortunately – and I supposed this is the way life goes, she dies twelve days later.
Henry moved on to Anne of Cleves who he charmingly named “the Flemish mare”. Pity she didn’t kick him in the Hampton Courts! Their marriage was never consummated. She was lucky…They divorced.
He then moved on to Catherine Howard who was described by one book I read as "a spirited minx". More a reflection on the Right than Catherine Howard, I would have thought. She was accused of adultery and had her head chopped off as well.
Finally Henry finished up with Catherine Parr who was described as amicable. In mens speak, that means nice but ugly. But judging by Henry’s record to this point it seems safer to be not that great looking. At least, you’ve got to hang on to your bones.
Henry didn’t execute only women and Church people, he did for everyone who’d gone on his nose. Several of his advisers who annoyed him were destined never to wear glasses again.
Henry was an irritable spiteful greedy boorish sulky little boy of a man. In fact, the only good thing I can think of to say about him is that he was quite easy to find in the maze at Hampton Court on a hot day because he whiffs so badly.
Legend has it that after Henry died, his body was brought back to London. And it was so riddled with disease that it exploded. That has since been known as he was a big man as a 21 gun salute.
I understand we don't all speak British english so here's the transcription. Sorry, there might be some mistakes :)
Henry VIII
Henry VIII or King syphilis gut backed wife murderer VIII as I prefer to call him was born in 1491, and despite all the paintings we know and love of him looking like a great big beach whale, he was athletic as a young man. At the age of 18, his brother Arthur died and Henry married his widow, Catherine of Aragon.
Henry was always an ambitious young man and he thought it best to get the male heir business out of the way before he set off on conquering expeditions. There must have been something dodgy as far as the royal sperm was concerned because it took bloody ages!
Henry always had a bit of inferiority complex being the second son and he grew up to be an egotistical self-righteous cruel man. In fact the last sort of person who should have been King.
I often wonder when I read English history why so many of the royals were such vicious bastards and I think it’s probably because they could be. Give our Queen half the chance and she will be up the mall with a crossbow picking off Japanese tourists and nicking their cameras.
Catherine of Aragon had five children but only one of them survived and unfortunately as far as Henry was concerned that one was useless. Mentally handicapped? Physically disabled? Well in Tudor think: both. She was a girl.
They were together, Henry and Catherine that is, for over twenty years but when Catherine began to get hot flushes and started doing a bit of shop-lifting, Henry realised she was be able to have anymore children. And like a dutiful loving husband, he told Catherine not to worry and that everything would be all right.
Did he, fuck! He did his outmost to get rid of her without actually bumping her off.
Because Henry already had to get a special dispensation from the Pope to marry Catherine, it didn’t look good for another favour from the Catholic Church. In fact, as far as the Pope was concerned, he had as much as chance in getting a divorce as he did in winning a Gary Lineker look-a-like contest.
So Henry decided rather than mock about the legal channels of the Catholic Church, he might as well dump them altogether and start his own little church. So he became head of the Church of England. Nice work that he could get it!
At the point, he was having a good old flirt with Ann Boleyn who would not give in to his advances unless he agreed to marry her. He did. Got her off the duff and they married secretly. By this time, Henry was pretty poorly so it was difficult for him to do anything secretly.
Unfortunately Ann Boleyn did not have a son either. "Aw drag!" She must have thought when Elisabeth I popped out. But Henry by this stage started to go a little bit bonkers. He must’ve thought to himself: “Well I’m the head of the Church of England, I can do what I like now!”
He found some poor bloke who worked in the court, accused him of having an affair with Ann Boleyn, tortured him until he said yes and had her executed. A bit over the top! I mean he could have asked her to move out.
In fact, Henry got rid of anyone in his way. He was a sort of fat royal combined harvester. Once he was head of the Church, he nicked all their money, destroyed many monasteries and anyone who got in the way was dissembled.
After Ann Boleyn, Henry moved on to Jane Seymour who was said to be homely and sweet. She managed to squeeze a boy child out of her womb for which she must have got down on her knees and thank God for allowing her to continue wearing a nice selection of hats! Unfortunately – and I supposed this is the way life goes, she dies twelve days later.
Henry moved on to Anne of Cleves who he charmingly named “the Flemish mare”. Pity she didn’t kick him in the Hampton Courts! Their marriage was never consummated. She was lucky…They divorced.
He then moved on to Catherine Howard who was described by one book I read as "a spirited minx". More a reflection on the Right than Catherine Howard, I would have thought. She was accused of adultery and had her head chopped off as well.
Finally Henry finished up with Catherine Parr who was described as amicable. In mens speak, that means nice but ugly. But judging by Henry’s record to this point it seems safer to be not that great looking. At least, you’ve got to hang on to your bones.
Henry didn’t execute only women and Church people, he did for everyone who’d gone on his nose. Several of his advisers who annoyed him were destined never to wear glasses again.
Henry was an irritable spiteful greedy boorish sulky little boy of a man. In fact, the only good thing I can think of to say about him is that he was quite easy to find in the maze at Hampton Court on a hot day because he whiffs so badly.
Legend has it that after Henry died, his body was brought back to London. And it was so riddled with disease that it exploded. That has since been known as he was a big man as a 21 gun salute.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Sunday, December 28, 2008
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Friday, December 26, 2008
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Rebranding
Yes, I rebranded.
"Aw, for God's sake" was me but suddenly I had a dream where I had the idea to rename my blog after "The French Fag."
I thought that was nice seeing fag has a double meaning from British to Americain.
So here we go, the French Fag is moving forward ^^
"Aw, for God's sake" was me but suddenly I had a dream where I had the idea to rename my blog after "The French Fag."
I thought that was nice seeing fag has a double meaning from British to Americain.
So here we go, the French Fag is moving forward ^^
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
As Heaven Is Wide - Garbage
Nothing that you say will release you
Nothing that you pray would forgive you
Nothing's what your words mean to me
Something that you did will destroy me
Something that you said will stay with me long after you're dead and gone
If flesh could crawl, my skin would fall from off my bones and run away from here
As far from God, as heaven is wide
As far from God, as angels can fly
If Holy is as Holy does
This house will burn straight down to Hell
Take its conscience with it as it falls
Nothing said could change the fact
My trust was blind, you broke the pact
If God's my witness, God must be blind
If flesh could crawl
My skin would fall
From off my bones
And run away from here i wish
As far from God
As heaven is wide
As far from God
As angels can fly
I wish...I wish...I wish...I wish
As far from God
I wish I could fly as angels can fly
I wish, I wish...
Nothing that you pray would forgive you
Nothing's what your words mean to me
Something that you did will destroy me
Something that you said will stay with me long after you're dead and gone
If flesh could crawl, my skin would fall from off my bones and run away from here
As far from God, as heaven is wide
As far from God, as angels can fly
If Holy is as Holy does
This house will burn straight down to Hell
Take its conscience with it as it falls
Nothing said could change the fact
My trust was blind, you broke the pact
If God's my witness, God must be blind
If flesh could crawl
My skin would fall
From off my bones
And run away from here i wish
As far from God
As heaven is wide
As far from God
As angels can fly
I wish...I wish...I wish...I wish
Take it back?
I dare you take it back !
I dare you take it back !
No you can't ?
You should have thought of that !
You should have thought of that !
What's inside a man that goes so wrong ?!
Choke on guilt that's far too good for you!
Say one word I'll laugh and bury you!
And leave you in the place where you left me
If flesh could crawl
My skin would fall
From off my bones
And run away from here
As far from God
As heaven is wide
As far from God
As angels can fly
I wish I could fly as angels can fly
I wish, I wish...
Go on, dear.
Yesterday, the Pope came up with a brand message of tolerance, utter love and understanding, following the steps of Jesus when he said " humanity needs 'saving' from homosexuality."
From the Daily Telegraph:
The Pope has said that "saving" humanity from homosexual or transsexual behaviour is just as important as saving the rainforests.
Pope Benedict XVI sparked a furious reaction from other Christian groups as he also suggested that a blurring of the distinction between male and female could lead to the "self-destruction" of the human race.
The pontiff was delivering his end-of-year address to senior Vatican staff and his words were later released to the media.
The Roman Catholic Church teaches that, while homosexuality is not sinful, homosexual acts are.
It opposes gay marriage and, in October, one leading Vatican official described homosexuality as "a deviation, an irregularity, a wound".
In his address to the Curia, the Vatican's central administration, the Pope himself described behaviour beyond traditional heterosexual relations as "a destruction of God's work".
He said the Roman Catholic Church had a duty to "protect man from the destruction of himself" and urged respect for the "nature of the human being as man and woman."
The pontiff added: "The tropical forests do deserve our protection. But man, as a creature, does not deserve any less."
And how would he "cure" humanity from us?
Anyway...I want to thank him. Recently the Church seemed to have made some kind of come-back - which I've been finding extremily frightening. so I want to thank him for alienating all the lost young who were ready to jump into the arms of the Church to find solace but who are far too modern to abide by this speech.
Go on, Pope! Go on! Call for intolerance, hatered and violence toward anything you call different and people will go on running away from Rome.
One last thing to the people arround me who are tolerant but don't seem to understand the sword upon our head we have to live with everyday. How long before people really follow him?
People feel threatened to death but the islamists, the terrorists. But somehow they are so far away and they know how intolerant they are. Well I feel seriously threatened but the fundamentalists who are in Rome, in France, in Europe and branded as the "good people"
Those terrorist might be my neighbours, but those "good people" could be my neighbours, my colleagues, the parents of the kids I teach and they think they are good Christians, good persons. They think they are nice and friendly while their representatives go to the National Assembly to call us "the gravediggers of humanity", "the worse possible thing Nature has ever come up with".
So please! Open you eyes and stop telling me I "overreact", "there's no such thing", I live in "a world that doesn't exist anymore"...!
When you have the ministers, the members of the parliament of France, one of the greatest democracy, the home land of Human Rights calling you names Nazis used for the Jews...
When you come from a country when being gay is branded "peadophile" so you can't work with kids, be a teacher, a doctor or anything when you're out...
And when you have the head of the Catholic Church publically calling you a disease to humanity and calling from your utter anihilation...
We'll talk about it.
From the Daily Telegraph:
The Pope has said that "saving" humanity from homosexual or transsexual behaviour is just as important as saving the rainforests.
Pope Benedict XVI sparked a furious reaction from other Christian groups as he also suggested that a blurring of the distinction between male and female could lead to the "self-destruction" of the human race.
The pontiff was delivering his end-of-year address to senior Vatican staff and his words were later released to the media.
The Roman Catholic Church teaches that, while homosexuality is not sinful, homosexual acts are.
It opposes gay marriage and, in October, one leading Vatican official described homosexuality as "a deviation, an irregularity, a wound".
In his address to the Curia, the Vatican's central administration, the Pope himself described behaviour beyond traditional heterosexual relations as "a destruction of God's work".
He said the Roman Catholic Church had a duty to "protect man from the destruction of himself" and urged respect for the "nature of the human being as man and woman."
The pontiff added: "The tropical forests do deserve our protection. But man, as a creature, does not deserve any less."
And how would he "cure" humanity from us?
Anyway...I want to thank him. Recently the Church seemed to have made some kind of come-back - which I've been finding extremily frightening. so I want to thank him for alienating all the lost young who were ready to jump into the arms of the Church to find solace but who are far too modern to abide by this speech.
Go on, Pope! Go on! Call for intolerance, hatered and violence toward anything you call different and people will go on running away from Rome.
One last thing to the people arround me who are tolerant but don't seem to understand the sword upon our head we have to live with everyday. How long before people really follow him?
People feel threatened to death but the islamists, the terrorists. But somehow they are so far away and they know how intolerant they are. Well I feel seriously threatened but the fundamentalists who are in Rome, in France, in Europe and branded as the "good people"
Those terrorist might be my neighbours, but those "good people" could be my neighbours, my colleagues, the parents of the kids I teach and they think they are good Christians, good persons. They think they are nice and friendly while their representatives go to the National Assembly to call us "the gravediggers of humanity", "the worse possible thing Nature has ever come up with".
So please! Open you eyes and stop telling me I "overreact", "there's no such thing", I live in "a world that doesn't exist anymore"...!
When you have the ministers, the members of the parliament of France, one of the greatest democracy, the home land of Human Rights calling you names Nazis used for the Jews...
When you come from a country when being gay is branded "peadophile" so you can't work with kids, be a teacher, a doctor or anything when you're out...
And when you have the head of the Catholic Church publically calling you a disease to humanity and calling from your utter anihilation...
We'll talk about it.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Exhausting
How terribly exhausting that must be to be at the photographer's place! ^^
Having a deadly handsome hunk for yourself, playing with him for a picture: getting him to undress himself, playing with soap on a car and pouring some water in a very sluty way.
Gee! I'll damn myself for that!
Sunday, December 21, 2008
C’est important, oui.
Parce que je ne suis pas comme ceux que je critique. Enfin si, c’est pour ça que je les critique mais je sais au moins où je vais.
J’aimerais juste clarifier une petite chose concernant ma dernière sortie contre le Saint-Sauveur-du-monde dans la critique du dossier du Courrier International sur « Super Sako, le monde entier nous l’envie ».
http://bbbwords.blogspot.com/2008/11/mais-qui-heinqui.html
On m’a reproché un manque d’objectivité due au fait que je baisais ma critique sur « trois » personnes qui de toute façon étaient toujours du même bord, le mien.
Bien sur que c’est subjectif !
Je questionne l’affirmation qui est « Le monde entier nous l’envie » en parlant de mon expérience personnelle avec « ce monde entier » de laquelle je sors un constat : le monde entier ne nous l’envie pas.
Certains oui.
Beaucoup, surement.
Tous, non!
Pas « le monde entier ».
C’est très important ce « monde entier » car quand on est un journal aussi sérieux que le CI, on sait que les mots ont de l’importance. Ils auraient titré « Ils nous l’envient », je n’aurais rien trouvé à redire puisqu’en ouvrant et en lisant, on apprend effectivement qui sont ces "Ils" et que d’aucuns nous l’envient.
Je baisais ma critique sur un fait réel qui repose sur bien plus de « trois personnes » pendant une discution de quinze minutes entre deux cours. Ce fait c’est que j’ai tout fait pour quitter la France actuelle dont l’évolution me répugne autant son président dans lequel je n’ai jamais cru et qui est ouvertement contre tout principe d’égalité et de tolérance quand il s’agit de gens comme moi (ce n'est qu'un des problèmes!). Donc à l’étranger, je ne suis pas avide de grandes discutions sur lui. Moins j’y pense et mieux je me porte !
On vient m’en parler.
Et pas juste trois personnes anglaises pendant quinze minutes.
J’ai passé un an en Angleterre à vivre avec des Anglais de 50 ans puis aujourd’hui de 30-40 ans, un Thailandais, un Malaysien, deux Indiens, à fréquenter Espagnols, Allemands, Autrichiens, Québécois, Canadiens, Irlandais, Américains, un Sénégalais même et j’en passe. Ces gens sont venus vers moi pour me parler du président.
Je ne porte pas de badge sur lequel on peut lire : « I hate Sarkozy’s bloody guts ! » donc ils ne peuvent pas savoir de quel côté je me tiens politiquement. Et je n’ai d’ailleurs presque rien dit et donné aucune opinion lors de ces conversations, juste écouté ce qu’ils en pensaient.
Et bien en un an en Angleterre à fréquenter tous ses étrangers, je n’ai JAMAIS rencontré qui que ce soit qui m’en ait dit le plus grand bien, qui m’en ait fait quelconque éloge et/ou exprimé un quelconque désir d’avoir le même chez lui.
Je dois faire quoi ? Mentir ? Les forcer à me dire autre chose ? Inventer que des gens sont venus me féliciter d’avoir élu un homme aussi formidable juste pour coller à ce que disent les journaux français et le Courrier International ?
L’expérience d’Agnès, une collègue française vivant en Angleterre depuis trois ans (pas deux, je me suis trompé) ne fait que renforcer ma constation totalement subjective basée sur mon expérience personnelle qui est que non, « le monde entier » ne nous l’envie pas. Beaucoup de politiques, de partis, de militants, et des millions de personnes – j’en suis certains – aimeraient avoir quelqu’un comme lui mais pas « le monde entier » juste « ils ».
Oui, mon avis était tout sauf objectif tout comme le titre du Courrier International.
Mais moi, je n’affirme pas que « Personne n’en veut ! »…Je suis du moindre mal en constatant que personnellement (!) je ne rencontre pas grand monde qui ne rêve que de l’avoir.
J’aimerais juste clarifier une petite chose concernant ma dernière sortie contre le Saint-Sauveur-du-monde dans la critique du dossier du Courrier International sur « Super Sako, le monde entier nous l’envie ».
http://bbbwords.blogspot.com/2008/11/mais-qui-heinqui.html
On m’a reproché un manque d’objectivité due au fait que je baisais ma critique sur « trois » personnes qui de toute façon étaient toujours du même bord, le mien.
Bien sur que c’est subjectif !
Je questionne l’affirmation qui est « Le monde entier nous l’envie » en parlant de mon expérience personnelle avec « ce monde entier » de laquelle je sors un constat : le monde entier ne nous l’envie pas.
Certains oui.
Beaucoup, surement.
Tous, non!
Pas « le monde entier ».
C’est très important ce « monde entier » car quand on est un journal aussi sérieux que le CI, on sait que les mots ont de l’importance. Ils auraient titré « Ils nous l’envient », je n’aurais rien trouvé à redire puisqu’en ouvrant et en lisant, on apprend effectivement qui sont ces "Ils" et que d’aucuns nous l’envient.
Je baisais ma critique sur un fait réel qui repose sur bien plus de « trois personnes » pendant une discution de quinze minutes entre deux cours. Ce fait c’est que j’ai tout fait pour quitter la France actuelle dont l’évolution me répugne autant son président dans lequel je n’ai jamais cru et qui est ouvertement contre tout principe d’égalité et de tolérance quand il s’agit de gens comme moi (ce n'est qu'un des problèmes!). Donc à l’étranger, je ne suis pas avide de grandes discutions sur lui. Moins j’y pense et mieux je me porte !
On vient m’en parler.
Et pas juste trois personnes anglaises pendant quinze minutes.
J’ai passé un an en Angleterre à vivre avec des Anglais de 50 ans puis aujourd’hui de 30-40 ans, un Thailandais, un Malaysien, deux Indiens, à fréquenter Espagnols, Allemands, Autrichiens, Québécois, Canadiens, Irlandais, Américains, un Sénégalais même et j’en passe. Ces gens sont venus vers moi pour me parler du président.
Je ne porte pas de badge sur lequel on peut lire : « I hate Sarkozy’s bloody guts ! » donc ils ne peuvent pas savoir de quel côté je me tiens politiquement. Et je n’ai d’ailleurs presque rien dit et donné aucune opinion lors de ces conversations, juste écouté ce qu’ils en pensaient.
Et bien en un an en Angleterre à fréquenter tous ses étrangers, je n’ai JAMAIS rencontré qui que ce soit qui m’en ait dit le plus grand bien, qui m’en ait fait quelconque éloge et/ou exprimé un quelconque désir d’avoir le même chez lui.
Je dois faire quoi ? Mentir ? Les forcer à me dire autre chose ? Inventer que des gens sont venus me féliciter d’avoir élu un homme aussi formidable juste pour coller à ce que disent les journaux français et le Courrier International ?
L’expérience d’Agnès, une collègue française vivant en Angleterre depuis trois ans (pas deux, je me suis trompé) ne fait que renforcer ma constation totalement subjective basée sur mon expérience personnelle qui est que non, « le monde entier » ne nous l’envie pas. Beaucoup de politiques, de partis, de militants, et des millions de personnes – j’en suis certains – aimeraient avoir quelqu’un comme lui mais pas « le monde entier » juste « ils ».
Oui, mon avis était tout sauf objectif tout comme le titre du Courrier International.
Mais moi, je n’affirme pas que « Personne n’en veut ! »…Je suis du moindre mal en constatant que personnellement (!) je ne rencontre pas grand monde qui ne rêve que de l’avoir.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
More! More!! YEAH!! MORE!!!!
Oh my God! Give that a bloody Nobel Price or something! He's just THE Man of the year ^^
"George Bush narrowly avoided being hit in the face today by a pair of shoes hurled by an angry Iraqi journalist who called the outgoing President a dog during a farewell visit to Baghdad.
The attack highlighted the contempt felt by many Iraqis for Mr Bush, whose presidency will be defined by his decision to invade Iraq, a move that brought down Saddam Hussein but also destroyed the lives of tens of thousands.
Displaying quick reactions, the incumbent President ducked as the size 10 missiles hurtled over his head, one after the other, at a joint press conference with Nouri al-Maliki, the Iraqi Prime Minister, in Baghdad’s Green Zone.
Mr Maliki stuck out a hand to try to block the second shoe.
"This is a goodbye kiss from the Iraqi people, dog," shouted the journalist, Muntazer al-Zaidi, before he was bundled from the room by security staff.
Throwing shoes is particularly insulting in the Middle East. A crowd of Iraqis used shoes to whack a toppled statue of Saddam after the 2003 invasion. "
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/iraq/article5342394.ece
Sunday, December 14, 2008
MeeOw up for 29
Today, Michael Owen, my utter model and hero, turns 29.
Which allows to just realise I've been a fan of him for almost 12 years. 12 years!! And I'll never get tired of him =^.^=
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MINI MIKE!!!
Friday, December 12, 2008
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