The Daily Mail

A few days ago, I went on the Daily Mail website to read the news.

I do that because I have to. It might sound strange because I can’t stand that paper but the problem is that you actually can’t do without it when you are into some famous people. All because the slandering, the scum, the scandals come from those kind of papers. True or false (mainly false!), you have to know them to be able to talk about it with the likes of you who just want to lick Frank Lampard from head to toe or plan on marrying Michael Owen in another life.

So I was reading that piece news-toilet-paper when I found an article dealing with the end of the day before news on BBC. A tradition at the BBC wants that the news is ending with a little bit of perky quite irrelevant news about animals. The article from the Daily Mail was to very furiously criticise the BBC professionalism by saying that kind of news is basically just shit and doesn’t belong on such a programme.

I really enjoy that article because the past few weeks the Daily Mail granted us with few very relevant, utterly interesting, very professional and serious piece of news such as:

-A full article based on the pictures of a robin that landed a cup with some robins as a pattern.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1104692/Birds-eye-brew-The-robin-pops-cuppa-old-chinas.html

-A samely long article about a rodent that fell in a river but used its tail to grab a branch and climbed back on the tree.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1113187/Pictured-The-field-mouse-saved-flooded-river-using-tail.html

-A bird that hasn’t flown south like all the others and stayed in England despite the freezing temperatures. And the Daily Mail were very proud to tell us again and again and again that they were the ones to come up with naming that bird Rambo.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1115442/Meet-Rambo--tough-little-swallow-forgot-fly-South-winter.html

-Another full article with pictures about a cat who used a temptation for dogs who will be given to the blind to test whether doggy is strong enough to resist catching kitty.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1112137/Cats-dogs-supposed-fight-like-8230-cats-dogs--So-makes-Leo-Yoko-different.html

-Or one about Puppy Chance and Kitty Louis being friend.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-513484/Love-blind-Alsatian-puppy-Chance-Louis-cat--sightless-new-best-friends.html

All those brilliant piece of news are of course in the middle of pictures and articles about Frank Lampard who came out of a restaurant with a sauce stain on his shirt, David Beckham who meets the niece of one those very vulgar and outrageously tacky Italian designer, Jade whatever-her bloddy-name-is who makes endless money on her private life after she put some much botox and collagen on her face that it actually ran to the brain and now she has cancer, Alex Curran who went out to put some petrol in her car before heading to the dry cleaner and went back home, Paris Hilton who bought a new dog, and endless pictures of the Cruises and the Beckhams who have been doing everything they can to show us their kids and how wonderful they are as a couple and family.

Let me remind you of Tom Cruise who said he was looking at all the pictures of her daughter “Hello, I’m Suri. – Don’t worry, it’s gonna be okay!” that were published in the papers. He also said he loved them all and thanked the paparazzi for taking such good pictures and being so nice with them. Oh dear! What a good father!

And let’s not forget the base of the Daily Mail: the almighty evil, greedy, money thirsty, scumbag-like people who are among us sucking on everything we own they can get their filthy suckers on too, poor us!, right after we were brought down to our knees by that horrendous government that is leading us all to eternal ruin.

Thank you Daily Mail for bring the right among of shit we all need everyday not to forget there’ll always be arses in the world!

Have a look, you’ll see I’m not making up anything.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/index.html

Next time, I’ll deal with News of the World. Just an anecdote, if the take the first letters of News Of The World you end up with NOWT. Nowt means nothing, zero in England.

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